Illusion

I had often heard people saying –People change. Today I have started believing that PEOPLE DO CHANGE. It really doesn’t bother me that people change but it really hurts when Friends change. I have never seen people changing so drastically. That too for a bloody M.B.A. I still remember those school days when I used to bunk economics class and she used to bunk her computer science class and have Gobi Manchurian in the school canteen (Our happy place) .I still vividly remember those days in the boarding when I used to help her bunking Computer science pre board. Shit what a day it was. Those long talks, laughing at each other’s fault, bunking chapel service together and telling the matron that we are not feeling well...I remember bunking economics pre board and several other economics tests and going out for movies and having a nice time..Boarding kept me away from family. It made me realise that family is so important but I was happy that I had friends to count on. Those friends were like family to me. At least that is what I felt. May be I was living in a fool’s paradise. I just tried seeing my family in my friends but today I have realised that friends change. Friends are all about sharing, caring, laughing and crying together. That is what I feel .I might be wrong but this is my definition of a FRIEND. Yes this particular friend was with me during the happy days .We laughed together but I was left alone during the difficult days when I wanted a friend to help me .I had no one to share my sorrows with...She was not there rather moved away when I was going through a bad time.....So here I am wondering what happened to those promises that we made to be always be there for each other. Life teaches you everything and I have learnt to live ALONE....It feels bad when a friend of six years acts like a bitch as she doesn’t want me to get more marks than her but remembers what friendship is all about when she needs a book or wants someone to clarify her doubts....

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT LOVING PEOPLE YOU LIKE AND TOLERATING THOSE YOU DISLIKE..............So guess FRIENDS TURN FOES....FOES TURN FRIENDS...Vicious cycle of life have to deal with it whether I like it or not..

As Fast As She Can.....

Are you watching a nice movie and you wish there was someone else who could have joined you..By someone else I don't mean a regular friend....Are you out for dinner with friends and wish someone else was there with you...Are you out shopping and wished that someone else was with you who could help you shop..If the answers to all the above question is a big fat YES than you are are still waiting for ''THE ONE''..If you haven't found the special someone even if you are say 25-26 or may be 30s ..You don't have to be worried....Don't sit back and sulk ,don't feel left out ..Don't feel that God has been mean to you......You should be happy that you are able to save a hell lot of money by being single and you can splurge it when you find the special one..I know when someone is 27-30 and if you are a hopeless romantic you will feel little bad but trust me it is worth the wait....I know you are tired waiting and you might have to wait a little longer but trust me she/he is on her/his way and she/he is getting here as fast as she/he can get.This blog is dedicated to a very special friend who means a lot to me.....

P.s: I have been inspired by How I met Your Mother Season 4 Episode 23 to write this particular blog

MISERY

There are times when one is happy and there are times when one is sad....And there are times when one doesn't know either to be happy or be sad..Today I really don't know if I should be happy or should I be sad?Three wonderfull years of college has finally come to an end.I am finally a graduate.I have made my parents proud and my friends proud and obviously I have made my teachers proud by scoring the highest but I am still not happy.I mean I am glad that I did well and got great marks with my illness but you know what the inner Pallavi is still not happy.......I still keep waiting waiting waiting and WAITING...I am not full of patience you see...Today I have totally lost it....People are enjoing that they are finally a graduate but I am hanging by a moment.....Waiting for things to get better....Waiting for things to happen my way...Waiting for the good things to happen and yesterday when I was checking my results a sudden thought came to my mind and it was that-GOOD THINGS HAVE STARTED HAPPENING AND IT WILL HAPPEN IN DUE COURSE OF TIME...God never says NO.......He just has two words in his dictionary...WAIT AND YES....May be God wants me to wait ....................I am waiting and it sucks bigtime.....May be I should accept the fact that I might get the visa someday but it ain't happening this time....It is like the universe is plotting against me the more I try to console myself the more miserable I get .......I just wish that atleast this time things happens according to my whims and fancy.......Amen..................................

P.S -If you think you gonna have a nice time reading my blog..It is just the way I feel and I am very frustrated right now...So you might want to give it a miss...

LOVE

LOVE..Heard the word when I was in nursery and didn't know what it meant...My Friend from nursery told me that love is a BAD word.People who fall in love are not good people.So one fine day, my dad asked me how much I loved him and I told him that I didn't love him as people who love OTHERS ARE BAD....REALLY BAD.Hearing this reply from a four year old my dad started laughing..Now when I think of that day I feel like a fool...I never really believed in the word LOVE.Till 2001, I used to think that Love is the other name for CONVENIENCE..Really .....I used to wonder why do people fall in love?I used to keep asking myself why do people fall in love ....What is soo special about it.....Some told me that it is an essence of life..Some told me that it is a magic potion..Some told me that Love is a headache and you would love to get this headache..Oneday I asked my dad -WHAT IS LOVE?He gave me the most shocking reply.He said something which I couldn't believe .He said - '' Love is great but it comes with an expiry date AND...'' My dad didn't complete his sentence and left the room...I couldn't sleep the entire night because now I was scared to fall in love.I was very scared that I might fall in love with a person and one fine morning when I wake up I will stop loving that person..Now I was very scared of the word COMMITMENT.I used to be scared even using the very word -COMMITMENT.Not that I didn't date guys.I did but for a brief period because I was influenced by my dad's word and used to break up in couple of days as I was scared that I might fall out of love and before that day would come in my life I used to BREAK UP...But you can't really run away from LOVE....It was the very day I was running away from love and was trying to avoid my ex bf I found love in someone.Let us call him MR X....3 years in a relationship and I second my dad's words --LOVE DOES COME WITH AN EXPIRY DATE ....but TRUE LOVE is when you know u love each other when it is not exciting anymore.You know you want to be with each other... for soo many reasons.. NOT JUST LOVE and you open your heart and become selfless..Love is not all about buying expensive gifts,Talking on the phone the entire night...Love is not cheesy lines and excitement.It is a process of knowing each others faults and loving them with your whole heart.....I am sure the lines which I wrote right now are the exact words my dad meant but wanted me to discover it myself...The moment you find the person for whom you feel like this don't let him/her go.Don't console yourself by saying he/she is just a friend.Don't use the word friend for someone you love.Friend is an overrated word..Because the moment you do that you will spoil everything for yourself..I didn't commit this mistake.....Go for it..Follow your heart..Tell that person you love him/her.Don't keep waiting for the right moment.Trust me no moment is right.Don't be scared of being refused.Fall in love...Love is a beautiful thing....This blog is for someone I love the most and want to spend the rest of my life with him..Loving his faults...

Gut Feeling

There are sometimes you know what is gonna happen but you still hope that things happen differently..Today I exactly know what is gonna happen in the next 15working days and I feel miserable about it that everything was in my hand and I acted like a fool.People learn from their mistake but I don't .I mean it is not that I don't ..I do learn from my mistakes.I screw up things when I try to be extra cautious and this is what I exactly did yesterday.I went to the VISA office in Bangalore.Filled the form and there was a part where I had to mention the amount I recieve from my family.I filled it but forgot to write the amount I recieve and the frequency and I was told that If I don'ty mention everything my VISA will be refused again.So here I am crying over SPILLED MILK..I am to blame no1 but myself and I feel miserable that I can't blame any1 else....I feel miserable that my dad will be mad at me for my extra cautios behaviour.I feel miserable that now I won't get the VISA to U.K.I feel miserable that I will spoil the rest of my vacation blaming myself for the mistake I have done.God ......I am really TIRED......Plzzz Don't do this to me ...British High Commission please don't refuse me the VISA for the second time.I am not strong....Please make things happen differently...Plzz give me the VISA to visit U.K.. I promise from now onward I won't act like a fool..Feel super helpless and it is all my mistake.This time I can't blame any1 .I just wished that the VISA officer told me that I had to give details about the amount...Moral of the STORY-USE UR BRAINS AND DON'T BE SUPER CAUTIOUS.............

Thing called Life

Joblessness and frustration makes you do a lot of things that you never thought you would do IN your LIFE...Never Thought that I would ever Blog.I mean not that I am against it..I quite like reading blogs and I thoroughly enjoy them but never thought that I would ever blog..Here I am .Exams are over I am jobless.I mean I am literally Jobless.I am being refused for everything..1st, I din't get a job after being promised by my manager in Goldman Sachs that i would be offered one, by the time I accepted the reality that GS won't offer me a job after making me work like a dog I went for another interview in Google,got shortlisted for it .My candidature was being considered and after 7months of waiting ,I got a call from the HR saying that I din't get the job with Google........Things would have changed if i was a Googler.I consoled myself by thinking thatmay be Google is not the right place for me.May be I should focus on something else so I started studying for my Final exams which was in March 2009.Trust me M totally jinxed ,second day of my exam I got Chicken Pox.I couldn't tell my parents what I was going through as I was supposed to act like a matured individual so with zillion blisters on my face and body I somehow wrote my exams .People started acting as if am untouchable,People went to the extent of thinking that if they talk to me over the phone they will get this deadly disease named Chicken Pox.It is only during times of difficulty you realise that there are not too many people who will stand by you and This is exactly what I realised but I was lucky to have this amazing friend named Shreshta who is my pillar of support,who was always there for me.April 6th 2009 i WAS FINALLY DONE WITH MY DEALY EXAMS.I was anxiously waiting for April 8th 2009 as I was supposed to submit my Visa Application .I don't remember when was the last time I had gone for a HOLIDAY.May BE i WAS IN STANDARD 8th or 10.So I was anxiously waiting for my Visa to arrive and on 24th April I got a regret letter from British High Commission saying that they have to refuse my application.So here I am totally frustrated wondering if things are ever gonna be fine.But NO IT WON'T because when God made me ,deleted the VERY word NORMAL from my VERY DICTIONARY OF LIFE..U see nothing normal happens with me.People have their boy friends in the same city but my bf stays continents away .Here I am ,I have no life ,Nowhere to go.Nothing to do.I am supposed to behave myself and act matured and live a DISGUSTING LIFE and accept life as it is.So once and for all I want to ask myself -will things ever materialise?Will I ever get a job.Will I ever get a visa.Will my life EVER BE NORMAL????